Into the new year.
As always the new year brings wonderful wishes and often new hope or resolutions to comfort one’s self or others. But how far can this ingenious effort have brought us to realize how true the reality of these thoughts and words to us and also others? Has it change us? within or only our physical appearance? Have we come this far to actually be at square one all this while?
Has it occurred to you that the usual fact is that these thoughts and resolution never really fulfill our deepest desires? Has it at any way made us feel fuzzy or a sense of fulfillment? At any point of our life had we made any major change to our desires or our thoughts? Have we actually gone through the whole "I was born into it all sort of thing" so I must stay in it? are you aware that the whole world has nothing more than just desires, thoughts and lusts? Has anything made you realize our life is just made for all this and nothing else- to study, to eat, to spend, to enjoy a game, to earn money, to stay fit and hot, to masturbate, to date, to love and to have sex, plus to continue humanity…….is that all?
Be it or not, if this doesn’t occur in our life…… we won’t be humans.
Today is the 31 of January 2007, 31 days or one month into the new year; what have we achieved? So far had we realize our responsibility to ourselves and also to our pals and the community? How had we position ourselves to be ready for what we planned in the past? Is it all fine? Had we made enough preparations for our own wellbeing? Must we be so caught up in this turmoil of life?
Its all questions, yes I do know its frustrating to even bear such thoughts! But surely had anyone realize these or has it been a mere vogue execution? Simply put it in the widest scope in your brain and it may make sense….. to me :
Don’t care about it- do all you can, simply because caring is worrying and this will cause us to be anxious thus create a hostile personality or thoughts. But when I come to think of it: I will do this when it means something to me- I worry, which means I care, and when I care it means I love it, and when I love it, its my passion or in a person someone special.
The thing is that all my new year, I have realize that the sem isn’t going to be easier. True many still think I am capable in handling this sort of pressure but I foresee my self having a little problem with all of this! As of now I am worried sick whether I could manage my self with all that will come this year. True I am happy that I am in my first year- I am now a freshman! How happy can one be? But I was happy once but now I am serious about getting through with my life and especially my whole degree! I am worried with a lot of staffs. I may be over reacting but its just me. Another problem here is how am I going to live up with my results that I got last semester? I am worried too that I may not be able to match my results or better top it, if I do so then I have to top it next sem!
You see I am worried on my studies, which means I really care about it!
Can I fulfill my dreams, do I believe in the work hard, study hard shit and be able to succeed in the future? Well actually I am the sort of person that do believe in it! well sort of but it’s a 50/50 scenario. Should I be so worried?
Plus the known fact that people perceive me as the one total cool guy sort of thing really make me feel that I don’t deserve such complements! Now I am worried about being in the in, and continue being the cool one! The pressure is big! Oh well to tell the truth I do love the complement and all. Still I am not worried till the bone to live up with this!
Another thing that I was worried is the norm of me trying to bond with people. I am a people person and as Ean would put it-" Derick was raised in a different manner and environment and its not the same with his nor others!" At some point I am happy but at some degree I just feel like I am some sort of alien and people are trying to understand my life and so-on. Well just so-u-know my life was different from you, but at many degrees its has some similarities to all of you. Yes I was raised in an all English environment and the American influence came in when I got into high school where the students read books and magazines from that region. The influence wasn’t that large apart that It could change me entirely. It was always my likes that I normally enjoy the language used there, the slang, the customs and the style. In school I don’t mix around with people my age; only a handful; the truth is I was always hanging out with the form6 or anyone older then me. I like it, they don’t act like kids; they are rational and they dig my staffs unlike my same-age pals who think its stupid! It’s their loss…. Another known fact- I enjoy reading articles and thing from that region, it sounds so much better to my head and ears no offence please…….i am a rear species.
Like I said- I am a people person, I bond with people and this is the one thing that people find weird! Why? Its normal….. I bond with anyone I feel comfortable with! I care about phone bills or anything, all I do care is that we are able to feel each other, communicate. (no sexual fantasies here please). I really do take into the account the capability of our friendship or relationship through the communication that was generated between us! communication is very important- that is why I stress highly on people who speak English fluently, coz I understand English the best compared to Chinese. I do Malay too but u wont want me to use Malay all the time, I can be really really really Malay- I am a Malaysian.
At times I do know how people might feel, they think I am bugging them. I think ken might have those feelings. Well just to let you know- I need to communicate, even to a cold person; I will try my best to allow him to pour himself to me! why not? If he is your best pal this should be normal! I know its hard but hey it wont be too hard if you think otherwise. I am sorry for my actions, I know its at times too much but heck if I don’t then what else could I possibly do. And I swear I wont write all the juice ken pours out on blogspot or anything. Cross my heart!
Alright only the first month what have I achieved?
no.1
I am now 19 years old! Yeah!!!!! Its on the 24 of Jan.
What happened?
On that day, which was on a Wednesday, I wore a singlet and a vest over it! actually I wanted to go without the singlet but my jeans as usual were low and I thought of all the stares I would be getting if I went with it! so I decided to put on the singlet. Still I could feel uncomfortable with people looking at me! it wasn’t really a nice sight at all. Still I feel nice its my birthday I don’t care what you think!
In college, well we were late thanks to me- I really have to brush up on my timing to go to college from now on. We were late and the lecture started. Its like a norm now that I and Wilson would actually miss the first half of the lecture; but thankfully we know what the heck was in-front there. And a few moments later the class was over and we were free to go out or home….
My dear friends wanted to go out and eat and celebrate my birthday! I was happy but relatively broke. I got one nice present, yes one! One! Oh well I had worst before. Still it was a car! My favorite all time crazy freaking likeable car! A VW Golf V, ok I would really like the Golf GTI which I drool over instead but who am I too complain. It was beautiful with sensual curves, the lights, the rims and it was metallic, I would like it black and tinted, well who am I to complain….. (it’s a demi- car though).
We had lunch/dinner at Italianise in OU. It was a great place and with great Italian food. Ean paid for me, it’s his birthday treat, yeah! The food was really nice, I had the lasagna, and the rest spaghettis, pizza, and salads. They were Ean, Ken, Zety, Jean, Wilson and nelson plus me. Actually I was really happy but I wasn’t prepared for it! I lost my composure that day. I wanted to do it on the coming Friday but oh well….. i was also lost for words, it was beautiful having a meal with people you love, having a toast with them and celebrating together. I blew the candle before they sang the birthday song! How stupid of me? oh well its something to remember…..
We had pictures taken and most of all everyone smiled and wished me! warm hugs and kisses, ah so beautiful. A party would really complete the whole package. Still I was glad it happened if not I am going to be all moody all year. For all thank you for this, and for those who have not get me a gift yet, I am open till next birthday next yearJ
no.2
College is now filled with students! Its over crowded!
no.3
We have a lot of work coming.
no.4
I have friends J
no.5
I still wish I can be the best……..
no.6
I have secure a friend to communicate- ken
I am really thankful and the appreciation goes on till I repay you on your birthday.
i am dearly sorry if i had been acting as if i were a moron or even worst a repulsive jerk. i simply hope i have not scared any of you, i would be contented to remain as friendly and likable as always. just as a reminder, the new year brings a new me; lets just hope i dont scare you too much with the 2007 of me. please remind me to be on track with my ego and continue being as humble and on the ground, i do get over board sometimes. help me and i shall do the same- interms of giving talks and humour but not as good as Ean.
Well the new year is now into our life now, I am hoping a lot from this year and to all you. I will want this year be the best I have ever had and together we make it one year to remember. Sorry again and contented wishes for this year; may the lord bless us with the happiness and ecstasy there is. :)
